Someday Donald Trump’s presidency will come to an end one way or another. While I am among those who hope it happens in 2019 and thinks the most likely outcome is resignation I could be wrong. In any event it will end and unless that is the result of his death or incarceration he will need a next act. Today I’d like to propose one. Let’s explore.
Trump has been a malarkey artist his entire adult life. This is a man who lied to magazines to get better publicity. When he was little more than a pampered bag man for his daddy he lied to reporters claiming the buildings his father let him collect the quarters out of washing machines from where his buildings. The only real success he had in life was the reality TV show The Apprentice and even the lead-in to it was a collection of lies. As evidenced by the infamous Access Hollywood tapes, Trump loved the celebrity persona the show gave him. Again, remember this is a man who posed as his own publicist calling gossip page reporters talking about all the women who were chasing “Mr. Trump.”
Under his administration fired, retired and resigned have become synonyms. (Think Michael Flynn, Jeff Sessions, Jim Mattis, David Shulkin etc.) The problem is that under federal law there are important distinctions when it comes to replacing high level people but an enabling Republican controlled 115th Congress let Trump get away with it.
I think a man of Trump’s age and wealth deserves to be happy in his job; for him that means hosting another reality TV show. He can’t do another season(s) of The Apprentice; however that seems to be the only thing he has been talented at so I think he will need a rethread version of it. Trump loves to think of himself as the best so might I suggest The Individual One Show or The Spankee Number One Show (spankee as in payee)? In the latter he could have Stormy Daniels or Michael Avenatti do a guest cameo appearance. I think enough money could entice at least one of them to appear on set. In the former a walk on by Robert Mueller would get huge ratings. However, I doubt Mueller, a man of great integrity and reputation, would make an appearance.
Trump’s ego is even more inflated since his 2016 presidential win than it was when he did The Apprentice. He probably envisions himself as some sort of Super Hero. (“I alone can fix it.”) Why not give him a Super Hero costume to wear on the new show? A cape is optional but it will require a large numeral one on the front. It could be in red to replace his too long ties.
With a new show Trump will need a new tag line. How about as he dismisses someone he shouts, “You’re retired” across an impressive table? Two words; he could remember that and not go off script.
Now for those who have a marketing mind the first question is: who would watch his show? Even when he leaves office in disgrace he will still have a loyal and large enough base to be a commercial success. Remember Nixon had an approval rating of about 25% on the day he resigned. Sarah Palin, who never approached Trump’s fame, resigned as Governor of Alaska because she could make millions without the constraints of public office.
The next logistical question is: what if Trump has to flee the country as he leaves office. I’m sure his buddy/boss Vladimir Putin would be happy to set him up in Crimea. In fact that would give the show a much needed theme song. I can see a remake of The Beatles 1967 hit With a Little Help from My Friends being amended and used; (I admit that I always preferred Joe Cocker’s 1969 version.) Think of the amended verse possibilities. I get by with a little help from my Russian friends. I got elected with a little help from my Russian friends.
This article was fun to write and admittedly a little silly. Trump’s administration reminds me of the punchline from the old joke: Why did Mickey divorce Minnie? (it is above my PG rating); so it may be appropriate.
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