If you are missing the late-night comics’ monologues hopefully I will provide somewhat of a substitute today. Here we go.
Colorado Republican Congresswoman Boebert – the only serving member of Congress lacking a high school diploma – was kicked out of the theater for unacceptable behavior. Among the behaviors appears to be an audition for the “circular activity” Democratic Pennsylvania Senator John Fetterman has accused the House Republican caucus of being engaged in.
Burying The Punchline
We are near the point where all you have to say is “Kevin McCarthy” to elicit laughter. The Republican Speaker is both so bad at his job and has so little control over his caucus that if it weren’t serious, it would be hilarious. Currently he is faced with a dual crisis: the government is about to shut down and his most radical members are insisting on impeaching Joe Biden which would definitely return the Republicans to the minority in the next congress. The worst part of the dilemma is that McCarthy doesn’t have the vote in his caucus to do either.
I could do a very long article just making fun of the former president (does that alone make the American electorate a joke?) but I’ll limit myself to a few paragraphs until I reveal my “best in show” which I have to credit someone else for.
As he did with the first Republican primary debate of this cycle, Trump is skipping the second. Considering that he is running away with the race the event is meaningless and therefore, to the delight of my wife, so will I. A political “debate” sans the overwhelming leader is a joke and I primarily do politics, not bad comedy or insanity.
Trump gave a speech the other day where he repeatedly spoke of defeating Barack Obama. Trump is well known to cheat a lot but he is still a pretty good stick so he may well be able to defeat Obama on the golf course. A one-on-one basketball game would be hilarious. The smart money would be on the skinny, left-handed guy! Not only did the two never meet in an election but I will go out on a (very sturdy) limb and predict that if Obama could run for a third term that he would beat Trump like a bad drum.
Almost simultaneously with attacking Joe Biden as no longer mentally sharp, Trump launched into the danger of “World War II” coming on Biden’s watch. I know that despite his protestations to the contrary, Trump wasn’t much of a student but you would have to think they covered World War II at that rich kid reform school where he went to high school.
For several years now I’ve been conscious of the number of times I have to flush the toilet. Like Trump I’m not the biggest fan of the water saving models. The highest number of flushes I’ve need is two. That is not even close to the fourteen Trump claims are necessary. At my last physical I weighed in at 211 pounds, (and I’m significantly under 6’3”). At his last felony booking Trump weighed in at 215 pounds. (OK, I don’t believe it either but that’s what the record says.) The logic conclusion reveals what the addition four pounds consist of.
The Best Joke Is A Quote
With the recent change to the Senate dress code, Chris Hayes decided to interview Fetterman (who I predict will not be on the cover of GQ anywhere in the near future) on his Monday night show. Fetterman’s advice to the GOP House Caucus was to, “Hump a different leg.”
I don’t think any of the major networks will be offering me a show in their 11:30 pm EST timeslot but at least you didn’t have to stay up late to catch these.
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