In my mind I have never resolved if Halloween (for adults) or April Fools’ Day is the bigger nitwit holiday. The entire idea of April Fools’ Day is to tell a tale that is untrue and when the listener starts to believe it hit them with the revealing punchline of, “April fools.” With that in mind let me hit you with a bunch of quickies.
Jerry Falwell, Jr. of Liberty University and The Lucky Sperm Cell Club is an intelligent and thoughtful man who would never endanger his students or staff just to please Donald Trump. April fools.
The stock market is soaring. April fools.
America has the best health outcomes in the world. April fools.
More Americans died on 9/11 than from the coronavirus. Sadly, April fools.
White House Economic Advisor Larry Kudlow is well qualified for his job. April fools.
Brett Kavanaugh has always been a very sober gentleman. April fools.
Mike Pence is a health emergency expert with a proven track record of success. April fools.
Secretary of Education Betsy Devos is dedicated to educating all American children grades K-12. April Fools.
Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin was one of the wizards of Wall Street when he spent time there. April fools.
Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross was a billionaire upon entering the Cabinet just as he claimed to have been. April fools.
Attorney General Bill Barr always has America’s best interests at heart and has never lied to the American public. April fools.
Secretary of State Mike Pompeo never lies, is very forthcoming with reporters. He has never been vindictive to news organizations who told the truth about him and his actions. April fools.
Transportation Secretary Elaine Chao (a/k/a Mrs. Mitch McConnell) has never shown favoritism to Kentucky entities to aid her husband politically. April fools.
Kelly Knight Craft is well qualified to be America’s UN Ambassador. The fact that her family is a Trump mega-donor had nothing to do with her appointment. April fools.
Neil Gorsuch sits on the Supreme Court today solely on the merits of his career and resume. The fact that his mother Ann was Ronald Reagan’s first EPA Director (until she left early under a cloud – and then kept her mouth shut) has absolutely nothing to do with his nomination. April fools.
CIA Director Gina Haspel has never been involved or complicit in any human rights violations. April fools.
EPA Administrator Andrew Wheeler is a dedicated protector of the environment. April fools.
HUD Secretary Ben Carson was put in that position because he is a tireless advocate for the least wealthy and cares deeply about affordable housing. April fools.
Being the son of the late Supreme Court Associate Justice Antonin Scalia had absolutely nothing to do with Eugene Scalia becoming the Secretary of Labor. April fools.
Donald Trump is an extremely stable genius. APRIL FOOLS!!!!!!!
April Fools’ Day may all be a joke; my concern is the November fools who will vote to keep this group in power.
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