Give Him The Clap

The title of this article comes from a story two of my female friends told me many years ago and with poetic license I am “adapting” it so that the “him” is President Trump. Let’s explore as I stretch the PG rating ever so slightly.

I spent many years in sales in a very male dominated industry that held way too many sales meetings. Two of my friends in the industry were women that broke the gender barrier with a major competitor. All three of us (and many others) hated the plethora of useless sales meetings we endured on a weekly (if not more frequent basis). Our jobs were very much commission based and we were not paid to attend meetings. Since they took us off the road we literally lost money by attending them. The information gleaned in them was minimal at best and often false. A supplier’s rep would get up and tell us some malarkey and at the conclusion of his (it was almost always a male) presentation we were expected to burst into enthusiastic applause. Well, my two friends came up with a little routine where they would turn to each other and softly say, “Give him the clap.” That placated the presenter and our complicit bosses and we were one step closer to getting out of the meeting.

Last week Donald Trump proved that he is as witless and simply lives for the applause and adoration.

In a speech to another handpicked audience of supporters he railed against the Congressional Democrats who failed to respond to his State of the Union lies with standing ovations. He went so far as to call them, “Traitors”. The best reply came from Senator Tammy Duckworth who said her oath was to the Constitution not to, “Cadet Bone Spurs”. Duckworth is a decorated veteran who lost both legs in the service of America; although I do not think she ever went to a reform/ military school for nasty rich kids.

Last week word leaked that Trump is asking the military to plan a major parade down Pennsylvania Avenue like the May Day parades in Moscow that I remember from my youth or the ones Kim Jung-un loves to applaud for in North Korea. The plan would include tanks that would leave Pennsylvania Avenue unable to handle vehicular traffic until they had been repaved. Fortunately even Republican members of Congress are seriously questioning the spectacle and expense. I can just seek Trump now alternating between saluting and wildly applauding. Think maybe we could just give him some fireworks and matches and send him out on the South Lawn instead?

Albeit short-lived, we did experience Trump Shutdown 2.0 last week. Most people will blame it on Republican Kentucky Senator Rand Paul because he used a parliamentary procedure to tie up the Senate floor for a few hours on Thursday night. If Trump had a fraction of the leadership skills he claims he would have either preemptively stopped Senator Paul or not waited until the eleventh hour to get a deal brokered and delivered. While I disagree with much of Paul’s argument I have to respect him for standing on principal. I just wonder what happened to his principles when he voted for the Trump Tower Tax Cut.

I must have missed some news items but I can’t seem to recall a single great trade deal Trump has negotiated. However I did catch an article in the Washington Post revealing that our trade deficit with China in 2017 hit a record high. I better research the details because in the State of the Union Trump declared that we had finally, “Turned the page on decades of unfair trade deals that sacrificed our prosperity.” All those imports must have come into America in the first 20 days of 2017 making it Obama’s fault. I’m sure Trump laid down the law to Chinese President Xi over the biggest piece of chocolate cake you ever saw.

Just in case you have a loved one who is a victim of the opioid crisis you can rest assured that Trump has that under control too. Apparently he has Kellyanne Conway and a 24 year-old kid who lied on his resume in charge. Why worry? Basically they have a just say “No” campaign going. That worked out so well for Nancy Reagan didn’t it?

If I knew it would rid us of Trump I’d stand and give him the clap right now; it wouldn’t be the first time I applauded a lying idiot to get him out of my sight.

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